Pi in the Sky

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t

Posted on November 8th, 2010 at 3:13pm by Pi.
Categories: Unimultiverse.

No, it’s not that House M.D. episode. It’s a set phrase, or a saying. Maybe a quite, an adagio, a cutural reference which is very common. Actually, there are versions of it referring to the same concept in the majority of languages and cultures. It’s a constant, which comes actually from the fact that we humans are social animals, and societies reflect very well the defects of their individuals.

However, many of these defects are only for a part of the individuals. Regardless of the intentionality of an action, the individuals will judge that act as positive, neutral or indifferent, or negative. Logically, when an act is judged negativelly, it’s when more noise can be heard. Unless the action is perceived as something tremendously positive, it’s very probable that only the noise of the negative judgements is heard, even if they’re minority. It’s sad, but logical, because that’s how human logic works.

So if we do something, we’ll receive some critics. And if we do something else, we’ll keep receiving some critics. Thus the set phrase. And truly there are cases in which no one can avoid receiving negative effects when doing an action, although it’s done with the best intentions, and even when no one has the right to criticize that action.

For example, in our mediatic and iconoclastic society, artists are usually in the front sight. Be them musicians, film directors or actors, writers, no one is safe. Let’s imagine a music band that has a successful musical career. They will have fans and detractors. And they release another album into the market. If that album reflects a change in the musical career of the band, because it has evolved musically and tries to experiment with new things, or because simply it tries to do something different, the detractors will jump to its jugular with fierce critics about a band that doesn’t have a clear musical identity (unless they were eclectics from the beginning, but in that case they would find another excuse). The curious thing is that some band fans will join the detractors and they’ll whine about the band not sounding the same, that they abandoned their roots, that the quality has lowered, that they felt betrayed (yes, some people take these things personally), etc. Other fans, conscious or unconsciously, will keep faithful to their band and the album will sound different to them, although well.

On the other hand, if the band releases an album which follows strictly the line drawn by former works, the detractors will likewise jump to the jugular, saying that they lack imagination, that they only copy themselves, etc. And likewise, a part of the fans will follow the detractors, and they’ll criticize hardly the new work because it’s more of the same and it’s boring, or because they feel ripped off, etc. And again likewise, other fans will keep faithful to their band and the album will sound the same to them, although well. The ones who aren’t heard are the indifferent fans, or simply “positive, but no great shakes”.

In a more private way, situations can be found where any solution seems to involve a punishment. Specially very polarized situations, for they there are only yes and no, white and black, because intermediate solutions don’t exist. Many times its other people the ones who force us to be extremists although we would prefer an intermediate solution, and it’s in those situations where we have the most to lose. Because precisely there’s an interest in polarizing the situation, and probably the reactions to our solution are already thought, conscious or unconsciously.

Who has not heard those stories, who seem typical, in which in a couple, one of its members makes a catch question to the other. Do you think I’m an attractive person? Do these clothes make me look good? If we were in an apathic stage of our relationship, do you think we should see other people? What’s your definition of love? Do you prefer a boy or a girl? Yes, sentences which can be said by any genre, although some of you pretend that certain sentences are said only by a given genre. The questions themselves aren’t the quid, but the intention they are made with. And if the answer is a, b, c or d, or if the answer is yes or no, they can be criticized. And the person who does the critic maybe was (again, conscious or unconsciously) ready to make a critic, independently from the answer.

I remember that once a partner asked me if I would prefer boy or girl (in the hypothetical case that there was a pregnancy involved, and it wasn’t the case). I chose between a and b, and she replied that it wasn’t right for her, that one should love their children regardless of their genre of birth. Milks (a spanish expression, lighter than “damn”). If I had answered that, I’m sure that the reply would have been “I haven’t asked that, you have to choose”. Of course one never knows what would have happened if we answered this instead of that, but sometimes in a relationship you can discern patterns, you know what I mean. It makes you want to answer with another question: Is there any answer that would not spawn a negative critic? Well, probably… Not.

The point is that in this last example, there was not a part of the society which judges an action, a solution or a simple answer as negative sistematially, but that it’s a single person who sistematically makes the negative judgement. That wickedness is both in the whole society and in a single individual.

Anyway, damned if you do, damned if you don’t. But maybe that sentence is referring more to the others’ reaction. To be fair with ourselves, besides generous, and maybe a bit selfish and self-centered, it should be “if you do, good for you, and if you dont, good too, and the others don’t matter”. In a situation where something is going to be lost always, its oneself the one who has to decide what and how to lose it. And although everyone has the right to have an opinion, there are ways and ways, and there are opinions and value judgements. It’s in our hand to think when we should hear the critics, and when we should be bold and not allow inane critics to affect us. The sentence itself “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” is subjective, and often the reference point of that “damned” is not ours, but others’. In doubt, one should always do what they think is correct.

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